I don’t know whose idea it was to refine machine-learning algorithms with grainy-ass images of what does and does not constistute as a ‘bus’, but I can’t deal with it anymore. My struggles with Captcha is reaching an all-time-high. Frankly speaking, I’ve been stuck trying to make an account for a damn website for the past ten minutes, and I think at this point I could very well be a robot myself.
After all, if I’m struggling with identifying what the fuck a bus is, I don’t see how I’m any different than the robot I’m trying to prove I’m not. Right? And if the damned system knows what the fuck a bus is, and is not, why are they asking me? I’m peering at eighteen2 pixels, trying to make out what fucking vehicles are in a parking lot a quarter of a mile away, like a dystopic magic eye.
It reminds me of scrolling through channels we didn’t have in the desperate search for porn, and trying to look through the static to find whatever the fuck I thought a ‘vagina’ looked like. 😠 I’ve tried for the ten minutes to get through this god damned Captcha, and I just can’t do it. It showed me a parking lot through bushes, in the lowest quality humanly possible, and asked me to identify which vehicles are in it.
The Secret Cavern
Vaginas look nothing like boys expect them to. This bizarre cavern of secrets continues to mystify even the most studious among us, primarily because dicks are so easy to figure out that a monkey could do it.
Not that I have experience with monkeys jacking me off, but you get the idea.
Dicks are so fucking easy – rub that shit and pop goes the weasel. It takes a bit more rubbing if alcohol is involved. Then you have pussies. Pussies are an enigma where you can’t even analyze the puzzle before going ham on it. Just hopefully you rub the right spot with your two inches of disappointment and she has the good graces to act satisfied.
It’s not like guys don’t want women to cum, it’s just more difficult to deduce, and each women has their own fucking riddle that needs to be solved precisely right for the mind-blowing orgasm to occur. It’s a dark cave of confusion compared to dicks.
Now, reasonably, this is an easy jumping off point for giggles about my apparent struggles to satisfy a woman, but I think the comparison of dicks versus vaginas has vaginas walking away like Pandora’s box.
The fuck if I know, upgrade your damn camera. At this point it appears that shitty detectives are using cereal-box cameras and hiring the public to unwittingly decipher the results. Then it starts showing up macro images of a city and asking if there are crosswalks. Fuck me sideways, most likely? There isn’t an ‘ostensibly’ button so I’m just hemming and hawing on whether or not I should fucking click where a competent city-planner would place sidewalks.
Wrong again, fuck you.
Then I apparently started failing these fucked-up Rorschach blotches to the point that I needed to successfully pass a Captcha in order to get back to the oringal Captcha that I keep fucking failing. In a particularly cruel twist of fate, the secondary images were crystal clear, asking me where the buses were with plainly viewable buses in the background.
Finish that fuck-fiesta, and now I’m right back to the goddamn 144p images with Captcha asking me which vehicle has had its oil changed in the past week.
I DON’T FUCKING KNOW.
So I fail the original Captcha, and I’m back to being served the Captcha to protect Captcha BECAUSE I’M CLEARLY SO FUCKING GOOD AT IT.
Select all traffic lights in the image.
What constitutes as the traffic light? The finished product, like one (1) traffic light? This would reasonably include its housing, but one should only select the wires if they’re terminated within the housing system, rather than an external male/female plug. Or maybe I’m just supposed to select the fucking boxes that holds the lights of the traffic lights, being the traffic lights, presuming that I know enough to be able to determine where the fucking LED is placed in the damnable thing.
So know I’m balls deep on page eight of Google, trying to figure out traffic lights and how they’re made, to make the fucking selections for our indomitable master Captcha. I SPENT FIVE MINUTES LOOKING AT EXPLODED VIEWS OF TRAFFIC LIGHTS TO BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY IT.
And I still get it wrong. Because fuck me. Thanks for inspiring me to learn about the Traffictron 8000, Captcha, it really fucking helped. Maybe I can help the police set up red-light cameras.
This shit tricks you too, just to make you feel even worse, as though fighting against a computer (and failing miserably) isn’t bad enough. So looking at the image above, it wants us to select crosswalks. At first glance, it seems simple enough: there are three images with crosswalks visible.
Wrong. Or at least I got it wrong when I saw three damnable crosswalks.
In the top left, perhaps the walk light signal thing is part and parcel of the crosswalk itself. Or maybe in the bottom right, seeing a sidewalk on the right, we should presume that there is a crosswalk covered by the fucking bus. Shit, center left the truck cab could be blocking the view of the Captcha. I don’t know guys. I can’t pass a Captcha.
We’re going to need Captcha professors within two decades to help decipher what the fuck these photographers are attempting to photograph with smegma covering their lenses. Maybe we just let the bots make some fucking accounts.
